SCARS TO THYSELF

It must one Bad Karma or that time,fate,
destiny is against me,
Because every time we meet , every time……
every damn time we meet you find me in that
messed up state,
we Both Know (or maybe its only me) that you are the one;
that  one love I truly seek and already every time we see face to face
there is something that denies us the chance to be,
may it Be another woman who has set her eyes on me or
it may Be I am so intoxicated it doesn’t even make sense
how I am still standing .
I radiate when I see you Because my already shattered heart
is calling out to you in the midst of the confusion
the confusion in my heart Brought about By mixed feelings, distractions and
the effort of others appealing to get my attention
you are the only sight that knocks the air out of my lungs and for a moment
I am in a different place  …
the scars I have Brought on myself,
in this pursuit to make you mine I am the only one to Blame
as they strip away that shadow of thought that I am innocent enough,
that I am worthy ,that i get to Be the one that gets to see you smile
make your Blood hot Be the one to make you say this is love
I hate that look of disappointment on your face as it seems as if
you offered me a Blank cheque and I literally flushed it down the toilet.
I know I can explain my actions But
I can not be able to wipe the emotions I invoked in you
or the picture I painted in your mind.
I will always Be swallowing this “Bitter grapes pain” that makes you
Burn inside with self hate you can’t even cry ,one that makes you wish you to go Back
in time and just redo it again a clean slate ,a fresh start …
only life is not a Bed of roses
and here I am living in the thorns of my own making
and I am sinking knowing i wasted that shot …completely wetted the Bed
I am lost But I just can’t keep it in anymore and now its seems
you are much farther away
and the pain knowing I created the drift
I want you to know I realize the mistakes
but I want you to know that…
I am still praying for a miracle
that you will see Beyond the rubbish I placed in front of you
and set free the lover inside… or maybe I am reading it all wrong
and I am chasing after the wind
C’est la vie